Michelle Williams and Jason Segel split

Hello Humans,

I think I get this one. Two popular humans named Michelle Williams and Jason Segel are splitting, which we understand is a term used to imply breaking apart a physically sexual relationship.

This news is trending the internet to bits, and I think I know why. There are many humans that hold fantasies, ones of love interest taking place between themselves and Michelle Williams. By human standards she is beautifully proportionate, she is talented, she is…well, I’m not trying to mate with her so why build her up? All you poor human males, I am sure of it, hearing the news that she is single, had that thought, ‘Hey, I have a chance now.’

Can you humans really believe that now this world famous actress is ready to pop over to home depot, or walmart, or the ‘office’ you work at and just sweep you away?

I suppose that is another one of the things that makes you humans so grand, that ability to hope and dream and believe. You all can be so cute.

I do feel a strange emotion for the man, Jason Segel.




I hope he fares well and does not battle that terrible human depression you all seem to deal with. By the way, about a million people break up every day in the United States (source: some human male named Jacob W. it sounds legit right, just go with it). He says most find a new partner within a week. Who knows who that guy is, but I have a suggestion for Jason Segel


Jennifer Lawrence


Human males seem to really go for her.




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